Who we are

I'm just a rider trying to unscrew the culture one hoodie at a time.
The Armored Penguin was born out of frustration—frustration with watching talented people turn themselves into asphalt confetti for internet points, and with a riding community that sometimes forgets survival is cooler than wheelies in cargo shorts.
So I made something different.
Not gear. Not glam. Just hoodies you can throw over your full suit, mugs that insult you lovingly, and stickers that say what you’re thinking when another squid lane-splits in a tank top.
Here to keep you warm, caffeinated, and just self-aware enough to avoid becoming road paint.
Made by a rider who's kissed the asphalt and learned from it.
The Armored Penguin, because I waddle in a full suit like a penguin.